Cafe La Fontana

Shattered Dreams. Let me start off by saying that giving this "restaurant" one star is quite generous of me. lly It was my grandmother's 92nd birthday--she had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and has very little time left on this earth, so we wanted to celebrate her final breaths. Also, she was a Holocaust survivor. We've lived in the greater Philadelphia area all our lives so wanted to try a taste of one of the local establishments. After doing much research and especially after seeing some of the more positive reviews posted on this very site, we decided to give Cafe La Fon"dissapointment"tana a chance--just like how Jesus gave my grandmother a second chance after she died in Vietnam.

We went around back and parked our SmartCar in one of the six parking spaces, which was ironic considering the restaurant can hold 250 people (red flag, uh oh!!) We walked around the front and on the way we were really cold. After that unnecessary escapade, we opened the front door and were greeted by emptiness. Not a single soul of the Lord could be seen. We scurried on back to our rented room and after we seated ourselves, were greeted by several waitresses who told us one of two menu items available (they didn't even menus). To be fair, they were rather friendly throughout the whole ordeal but they weren't the best lookers in the bunch if you know what I mean.

I ordered spaghetti and meatballs with a side of pickles--I waited two hours. They kept sending us stale, maggot-infested French baguette to quell my appetite, but it was to no avail. Eventually, my order arrived (finally!) The sight that lay before me was a truly a sight to behold. I recognized the ingredients as being from the discount grocery store across the street where druggies and ethnic minorities purchase Tasty Kakes with their foodstamps. However, there were no Tasty Kakes to be found on my plate. Instead, I was greeted by pasta so mushy the only way you could eat it was through a straw, coupled with cold, slimy tomato sauce still in the can with an obvious degregation in its color, garnished by brown, wilted parsley flakes that tasted like cow chips on a hot August day. As for the meatballs, they tasted like styrofoam that's been left out in the sun a little too long if you know what I mean. I had water to drink and they gave me so much that I got up to use the little lady's room about twenty times throughout the evening. I begrungingly consumed my meal, and then it was time for dessert. I was hoping for the best, but was once again dissapointed. It was cake. They cut it before it left the kitchen so not a being could admire it. It didn't taste like cake at all--in fact, it wasn't cake! It was a hunk of drywall covered in icing.

And, to top of the night of festivities, we were served coffee. But, again, to all of our dismay, this lukewarm liquid cardboard was once again very sub-par. We were given cream and sugar to add in hopes of making this liquid dirt tolerable. But unsurprisingly, the cream came out solid and the sugar had bugs in it and was actually salt. One of our guests began choking on the salty coffee, but because the untrained staff was unfamiliar with CPR, his daughter, my loveley niece who sings in the choir, had to administer what little she knew of CPR.

At that point, all we wanted to do is leave this lair of Satan. I asked the waitress for our check and I wrote her a check of my own (boi-oi-oi-oing!) We scurried out the backdoor of the restaurant as fast as we could and then my grandmother died. She was airlifted to a hospital in South Africa where she was crucial in overthrowing Apartheid (they wanted to commemorate her on her deathbed). Her last reqest was to have her stomach pumped.

Would not recommend unless you have a suicide wish.…

Flavorful Italian Around the Corner. We attended La Fontana for lunch on a Saturday. I was surprised to see the place relatively empty, as the food and service were great! For lunch, I had the grilled chicken that was well-seasoned and not dry or overdone, served with garlic and onion green beans also cooked to perfection. The servers were pleasant and attentive. I would certainly go back for seconds.…

Disappointing. The man that came and took our orders seemed very nice and attentive. A waitress came by very quickly with a bread basket and ran off. Four slices of stale, French baguette, instead of Italian bread.

A young man came by and dropped off our salads. I got the side of Caesar salad, while my wife ordered the mixed greens with balsamic vinegar. While I was happy, my wife described her salad as "oily dandelion greens", and despite adding salt to it, it still had no flavor.

After we finished our salad, the young woman came by again to take our salad plates away. She rudely reached in front of us without "Excuse me" or "Let me take this for you"

Yet another waiter brought our entrees and ran away, causing us to call him back to him and ask him for some Parmesan cheese.

My wife described the sauce as "Very close to the original Ragu Traditional, with a touch of garlic". I ordered chicken with mushrooms, peppers, and crab meat in a white sauce, with vegetable and potato (two tablespoons of au gratin).

We also noticed that at no point, did anybody offered us any more bread.

As for the ambiance, well, while the place looked very clean, the way the workers were running around, with grumpy looks on their faces made the atmosphere feel "stressful". You could tell that the people were not happy working there, and so were probably not being paid very well. In the middle of our meal, a pianist came over to play the piano. While he was good, instead of being relaxing, it was somehow adding to the stress in the air, almost like there's one more thing going on. Hard to explain.

Anyway, while we had originally planned on getting desert (my wife is a Tiramisu fan), the whole experience just turned us off and we had no intention of staying. Seeing so many unhappy people just made us feel unhappy to be there. Overall, it was one of the worst Italian eating experiences ever. We won't be going back.…

highlight of my night. My Fiance and I found a taste of Italy in Hatboro last night. We were greeeted at the door by a very lovely hostess and promptly seated at our table intimately lit by candle light. We proceeded to start the night off with mussels marinara and shrimp in a cognac pink sauce. Both were delicious. Afterwards, we were both treated to a complimentary Ceaser salad which was very tasty as well. My Fiance proceeded to have Linguini with shrimp in a garlic and oil sauce which she could not finish due to the large serving of shrimp and pasta. I myself, ordered the Filet Special which was a very tender 10 oz, topped with a brandy peppercorn sauce (out of this world). During this time the staff was more than courteous and very attentive. The server brought a dessert tray by with an large assortment of homemade pastries, unfortunately, we were to full to oblige. My fiance and I highly recommend this restaurant and look forward to our next meal there.…