The Hills Have Eyes 4. On day I was driving home from a wedding at Cimineras Pizza. It was an awesome party and the food was great but sadly it had to end. I was driving home to Hawaii when all the sudden I fell asleep while driving. I crashed into a tree next to a supposed haunted bakery. I was actually run by an old teamate of mine. Roberto D. IaPolo. He always tried his best in sports but could never reach a peak where he was happy with his skill level. He did however hae the confidence to ask out a girl at our school. Cristina was his love and when she said she liked someone else his heart was broken. I felt bad for Roberto but he always tried to give me muggies in school. Of course his plans where always thwarted by a burly man with pennies on his nipples. He became Robertos arch enemy when he found out how to pants Roberto with out being sucked into Robertos gravitational pull. Anyway I walked into the bakery when I saw a horseman ( centaur ) over the body of a dead horse. I saw Roberto rise and scream weird shout. He was obviously his wife and the centaurs were their kids. It makes sense now when you look a couple reviews down to Diapolos Horsebreeders, a great reveiw. The centaurs rised their swords to kill me. I thought I was a goner. All the sudden, the burly man from my highschool swung in like tarzan on a zine. He contained Roberto D. IaPolo and his strange centaur kids, while telling me to run. I immediatly ran home, banged my girlfreind hard, and wrote this reveiw.
Bakery of Horrors. Once I made a mistake driving to a birthday party for my friend. I was hungry and it was late at night so I decided to stop for directions. I walked into Diapolos Bakery and was immediately disgusted by the stench in the Bakery. I walked around the bakery trying to find the owner so I could get out of the place. As I stumbled into the main room I began to realize I was walking into rooms I had been in before but I wasnt going back, I just kept going down the long hallway. Soon I began to run as I herd grunts, and neehahs from horses It sounded like. Suddenly a dark figure appeared in the distance he began to grunt and chased me. I ran as fast as I could. He curled into a ball and rolled down the hallway like he was a wheel. I tried to run but I felt a hard blow to the head. The man I identified was a man from my high school. Roberto Andrew DiApolo a weird soccer player who starred as Big bird in our play Sesame Street. He recognized me right away. He was always jealous of my good lucks, and fortune playing football, where he was , lets just say, not as lucky. He was angry because his love cristina fell for me instead of him. I never liked her though and told her that Rob did, but she wasn't on the same page. He tried to strangle me but just as I began to see the light, a burly man with quarters on his nipples swung in on a vine like Tarzan and knocked Roberto out. He was escorted to prison but eventually broke out because he couldn't stand not eating 26 meals a day. I still worry he might find me some day but I know that i.ll always have th burly man there to help me.
Diapolos Horsebreeders. I was looking around city search when I saw this pizza place. Their pizza is awesome and they have great prices. But most of all they dont torture you like those at Diapolos Horsebreeders company. One day I was looking for a place to take my young 5 years old daughter for her birthday. I saw Diapolos Horsebreeder inc and thought it would be the perfect place. But I was horribly mistaken. We arrived and started walking torwards the main office when we heard the screech of young girl coming from a man in a shirt that said Diapolos Bakery. I was completely confused but we kept walking to the main building. As we opened the door a horrific sight met my eyes. It looked as though the owner Roberto Diapolo was seducing one of his horses. Their hrunts could be herd throughout the land. We ran but a group of nijas holding nuchucks surronded us and started to swing at our grundles. The owners was still seducing the horse but he was able to shout commands at the nijas. All the suddon a burly man with dimes on his nipples chraged in heading a herd of cowboys. He shot at the horrendous man/horse babys that the nijas were riding on. He jumped in the air and did 3 flips berfore leanding in front of us and piggybacking us to saftey. He told us to never go to anystore run by the 'Diapolos" if we want to survive. Im glad that burly man was there because if he didnt come to our rescue we may never have been able to write thus review. Diapolos is a strage place and if you like improper breeding and horse/ man nijas this is the place for you to go.
Kidnapped and Abused. I also have a Diapolos Bakery story. Cimineras doesnt deserve all these bad reviews because these are all real stories from Diapolos. I stepped out of my house on a warm sunny day 12/46/1998. I decided that I would take my wife to a picnic in the park. I made a grave misttake and walked into Diapolos Bakery, run by B.O.B. Diapolo. I went to the counter to order when I smelt the oder of rotting corpses. I loooked down to see dozens of bodies of neighbors I remeber had gone missing years ago. A naked man stepped out of the back in a crab walk taking in made up language. He seemed to take a liking to dill pickle becuase all I saw were containers all over. I picked one up and threw it at him but it just absorbed into his fats. Before I knew it the jar was shot back at me from his stomach. I was knocked out. I awoke several hours later to see the naked man watching Gilmore Girls and Howling everytime a hot girls walked into the camera veiw. I tried to get up and leave but I was tied down by I heart NYC shirts. He saw me awake and tried to play music so we could dance but before I knew it a burly man with dimes on his nipples broke into the store. He untied the shirts and knocked the man on his back. He squirred and tried to get back up but it seemed he couldnt. The burly man told me it was 2012 and I had been missing for over 10 years. I was confused but just as I began to think the man was back into his crab walk and was chasign after me. The burly man lured him away with the sent of dill pickles telling me to run. I ran home right away, bought some condoms for that night cuz I was gonna get some hookers that night, and wrote this review. Love Cimineras, never go into Diapolos unless you want to be bum puzzled by a series of events that dont make sence. B.O.B. Diapolo you I will get you.
Diapolos Bakery vs Cimineras Pizza. Some of these stories may seem strange but somewhat true. Thats because they are real stories, just being told for the wrong buisness. In 1912 a great cycic told of a great feud between a pizza shop and a bakery. The pizza shop would be a succesfull buisness who took "bad rap" for the bakery. Cimineras pizza is a great establishment ad t sells great tasting pizza. However for Diapolos bakery cannot be said to be as good. Let me tell you a little tale about Diapolos bakery. Once in the past I made a grave mistake in stepping into Diapolos Bakery. Once in I was greeted by a old man standing there naked riding their dough like a horse with with naked body. The only problem was his grundle got stuck to the dough and he blamed me with his problems. He hit a button and I feel throug the floor into a trap 50 feet below the ground. Many others were there but they had turned to canibals and I was forced to fight for my life. Eventually I fought my way through the bodies and to find an arragment of spllit plants which I believed to be those of the crazy man/women I first saw. When I got to the Earths surface I saw the man rocking back and forth apparently not able to get up. All he kept saying were words from some kind of made up language. He looked at me and started to shake and cry for his "wcbVK:zjb" whatever that was. When I tried to leave he stod up and completely blocked the door with his body. He jumped up and down shaking the Earth and causing an Earth quake. Before I knew it a burly ma with dimes on his nipple lured the crazy man away with the spell of dill pickles which seemed to sedate him . I ran away as fast as I could and sat down to write this revewi. Take my word for it. I've had Cimineras and Its awesome, but dont go to Diapolos unless you want ballsack dough, and being trapped unground becuase of a crazy old man.
The Burly Man and the Graveyard incident. Last saturday a recieved a pizza from Cimineras that look like a teenagers face. I ordered a peperoni pizza but the delivery man said they ran out of peperonies, so they used a harmless substitute. I immeadietly asked what he used instead of peperonis but at that precise moment, I felt a sharp blow in the head. I woke up hours later in the back of a van. I was tied up and in the dimmly lit light, I made out the silouettes of about a thousand frogs jumping around happily on my legs. Thirty painful minutes later the doors opened, and sunlight beat down on my eyes. The pizza man was dragging me through a graveyard but this time he was missing his shirt. He bound me to a grave using lickerish and suddenly a smooth jazz song started to play. The pizza man started to do a slow dance in front of me and I broke into a sweat. Out of nowhere, a burly man wearing 2 dimes and a corn chip came out of the sky and blinded the Ciminera's pizza man with a dagger. He then cut me free and I began to run as fast as I could past the frog-filled van all the way home. To me it would be appropriate to call it Abduction Pizza instead of Ciminera's.
Gorrila Dung in my Salad. All would agree that Gorilla's are wonderful and majestic creatures, but not when the contents of there bunghole can be found in your dinner. I was minding my own business when I glanced down in my salad and sure enough I saw a purple dingleberry hiding behind a croûton. I immediately took a sample and later tests proved that it was indeed dung from a Silverback Gorilla. When I tried to complain to the cashier how outraged I was, he started to secrete a strange magenta fluid from his nipples. At this point I tried to run but was stopped by a crowd of men dressed in banana suits. They grabbed all of my limbs and began to stretch me as if I was made of play-dough. At this point I was rescued by the same burly man wearing dimes on his nipples that someone mentioned in an earlier post. Go to Ciminera's if you want to be harassed by a strange and random series of events.
Ravioli's w/ Ball Clippings. If you enjoy a myriad of different bodily fluids in your dinner, then Ciminera's may indeed be the place for you. I stepped into Ciminera's Pizza one fine Saturday afternoon in need of a nice ravioli pasta to enhance my spirits, but all that was offered on the menu was "Ravioli w/ Ball Shavings." Before I could even ask whether this was some sick joke, I was held down, and tied to a table by a burly man wearing dimes on his nipples. Soon later, what seemed to be a priest emerged from a dark corner holding a razor blade and scissors. He muttered words in some odd language and began to ritualistically shave my testicles. He then poured them onto a plate of frozen ravioli's. I was charged 44.50 for this dish. The next time I am searching for some food, I will be sure to steer clear of Ciminera's Pizza.
Bathroom Insanity. All was well as I stepped into Ciminera's Pizza yesterday afternoon, in search of some nourishment. I stepped in line and observed the menu, with its overpriced salads and insufficiently sized cups that cost 2.50 a refill. After shoveling out 22 dollars for pasta with meat sauce and a water, I decided to wash my hands and go to the bathroom before grubbing. Upon walking in the bathroom, a very curious sight met my eyes. It looked as though several homicides had taken place near the bloody sink. I examined the toilet and found an accumulation of dead fetuses in the toilet bowl. It looked as though Stan the Abortion Man had preformed a few operations on the toilet. After using liberal amounts of toilet paper on the seat, I managed to make the toilet fit for human use. I sat down and began my bowel movement, but in mid-dump I saw something crawling through the stall. Closer examination told me that what was crawling through the stall was actually a family of squirrels along with some other assorted woodland critters. They told me many things, like how it was in fact the owner of this very pizzeria who plotted to take down the world trade center in 2001. Lets just say that I will have to think twice, or perhaps thrice before setting foot in this eatery again.
I Found A Pubic Hair in my Calzone. While I am not the cleanest person on the earth, a white colored pubic hair covered in dried sperm is not something I would put in a calzone. I was visiting Ciminera's because of a coupon they sent me in the mail. When I got there their was an elderly man masturbating on the sidewalk. When I walked inside I was greeted by a rabid raccoon who was the pizza places mascot let to roam the area freely. I went to order at the counter but the teenager working the register simply sneezed on me and gave me an obscene hand gesture. I looked over the counter and saw a blow up doll covered in strawberry jam. I left immediately went on my laptop masturbated to Facebook and wrote this review
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